Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 5
A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English
Sunday 26th June 2016 - In the original Sprockish
Hello Sprockets Jake here.
As I promisez yesterday here iz da write up of da Holibobz and beyond.
On da Friday before we goez to French France Hoomum took it upon herself to give be da bath in da keep Jakey clean room. I know whats me bird Lucy gonna fink if I iz not stankey.
Any ways when her back waz turned I spiez da seagull poop in da garden, we haz da big burgerz in Essex so there waz a right lot of poop, an I executez da perfect slip an slide through da poop once for each sidez. I waz well pleased wiv meself. Hoodad was less pleased and attackz me wiv da baby wipez saying “I am not travelling for 12 hours with that stink”. So I startz me holibobz smelling like a clean babies bum.
It waz uneventful trip apart from hoodad not following da football az we left on opening day of some football competition in France, he waz mutterz under hiz breath about over paid wendies getting hurt by a parp. Me an Hoomum just ignorez him when he get like dat. The rest of da trip waz a breeze an I gotz to guard da shopping in da back of da car. I waz so pleased as I could see bread and stinkey French cheese which I lovez. (Pic one iz me guarding da food)
We waz all happy when we arrive an me bird comez bounding up to see me, I haz forgotz how bootiful she iz. Hoouncle Alan and Hoo Auntie Margaret who own da place upgraded us to da farm house I waz even happier az diz haz two sofas so I not haz to sleep on da floor. LUSH.
In da last year Lucy haz got some strange habbits, she keep coming in an peeing on da floor!!! Den she poopz in me garden, I not even poop in da garden in French France as it iz too nice. I hopez it just coz she waz so pleased to see me. (Pic 2 iz me bird Lucy)
Da weather waz well wet but me an Hoodad had some great walkz between da storms, we only seemed to get wet when Hoomum came wiv us. I was a bit sad as dey haz had so much rain dey had openz da draining ditches in da fieldz so I not getz to swim. I did spook two river otterz in da shallowz which waz very exciting az I not seen dem before. (Pic 3 iz me on one of da walkz).
I made a new friend called Jim he iz da French ratter, hiz legz waz stumpier dan Hoodadz. Jim waz a bit of a tease az he got hiz love spudz an I don’t an he did a weird little walk where he would jangle hiz spudz in me face. I showed him what speed waz an he could not keep up after da first day he only came on bitz of our walks. Pic 4 iz Jim Pic 5 iz me on a walk)
But da best fin of all da holiday waz da food, Da Hoominz cook every day sometimes twice no salads real food. I had Cheese, sausage, cheese, bread,cheese, chicken, cheese, crispz, cheese, more bread,crab sticks, yoghurt, cheese, Hoodad did a BBQ an I haz da whole pork chop, did I mention cheese ( Hoodad here: gut lord attempted to eat his body weight in bread, cheese and overlefts during the week)
What Hoodad iz not tellz you all iz he walk me for hourz. Four timez a day if da rain let up four I fought my legz would wear off. But when we goez to da French VET dey weighz me an I iz 3KG lighter da when we left so I deserved all da food an treats or I wastez away. Da vet put da muzzle fing on but he waz safe az he not do da “How hot iz da Jakie” so he waz safe.
But despite da rain we had a great time an hopefully can go back next year if we is allowed.
Hoodad waz away most of da week so I got some good rest in for ballfrow on Saturday. I fink he has got strange or jealous dat I waz da one who got the holiday kini body not him. He ran 75% of ball frow we was back so quick I waz well puffed out. I did however manage to get a good swim as da really stanky brooke was so deep I could swim in it. I took full advantage and stanked up in readiness to embarrass Hoomum at da race for life (pic 6 is stankey me)
Race for life waz well good I drag hoomum round in record time 1hour 15min half an hour quicker dan last year so we waz well happy. Sadly she dress me in pink like a girl (pic 7 is me in da pink gear.)
Well I iz off to stare at da make food hot fing coz it roast duck for dinner.
Sprock on Puppies, Luvz Jake xx
Clickz on da image to see full pic
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