Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 5
A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English
Saturday 23rd April 2016 - In the original Sprockish
Hello Sprockets Jake here.
Sunday waz a great day diz week. Hoodad cook up da roast chicken dinner and me an Baby da catz getz loadz of over leftz. These stretch into most of last week too, NOM NOM NOM.
Sadly I waz in da Bad bookz diz week. On Manorway walkiez on Tuesday night my super sharp ball sniffing powerz kicked in an I findz a virtually rand new ball. As a reward da Hoominz letz me play wiv it on da waste ground. While we waz there I meetz two new puppiez who wanted to play. I waz worried they would nick my ball so I gotz all barky an snappy. I gotz a smack on da bumz an Hoodad callz me “Grumpy Bow Locks” I don’t know what inland waterwayz haz to do wiv anything, den he tookz my ball away. Worst of all Hoomum say she very disappointed wiv me an givez me da silent treatmentz for hourz but nobody can stay madz at us Sprockerz for long an it waz back to hugz an kisses from Hoomum. I haz learnt my lesson an I will try an play nice wiv puppiez even if I haz a ball.
Hoodad wantz off for da workie fing again but az it is light in da evening Hoomum takez me down da manorway. Blow me if I not ball finder king az I getz another nearly new one. But Hoomum pocketz it as punishment for Tuesday.
Friday nightz an Hoodad finally getz back but well late, it waz going dark but I was so happy to see him. I waz forced to fake sleep at one point when dere waz a mahooosive nasty stinky fox in da garden. Baby dat Catz waz at da patio door giving it da Freddie Kruger look but I saw it it waz bigger dan me. It’s tail did look fluffy but I don’t fink it would letz me nuzzle it so I stopz on da sofa, Da fatman went an scarez it off, it probably thought he would eatz it.
Poor Hoodad waz so tired after hiz long journey dat I letz him adopt da “everyone needs a bum for a pillow” which is usually only for Hoomum coz Hoodad’s head iz well big an heavy, But I waz tired from all da tail wagz an cuddlez dat we both sleeps an snorez. Hoomum took Pic one an wishes she waz on video az we both snoreing well loud.
Something funny haz been happen on walkiez when it just me an Hoodad. It started weekz ago when we cross da road, he breakz into something dat waz faster dan hiz yomp march. I just thinkz it away to cross quicker. But it keepz happening an not just crossing da road. Today on ball frow he waz do it lotz.
I say what you do hoodad? He claims he iz running!!!! Well I seez lotz of Hoominz running an what he doing iz not running. When Other Hoominz run da grounds not shake an nearly tip me over when dey getz close to me. It did makez hiz head shiney quicker dan usual on ballfrom. I fink he iz try to get fitter not hiz usual fatter.
My big worry iz clothing. We know all about hiz lack of dress sense, what if he wearz da tight shiney fing he wearz when he doez da Huffy, Puffy, Grunty and leaky fing he doez upstairs? (Hoodad here It’s called exercise Jake).
He would look like a badly stuffed sausage, now I like sausage as much as da next Sprocket but I don’t want to meet any of me “Birdz” wiv da fat man doing a sausage impression OMD imagine how embarrassing dat would be. (Hoodad here well pardon me Jake for trying to get fitter so we can have more walkz and fun on your Holibobz in French France in June)
Well I f I seez him come down da stairz in da Lycra I iz gonna fake sleep or injury, I don’t fink Hoomum would letz him out in dat stuff anyway as she always gigglez when she seez him in it.
Pick two diz week iz me in da long grass dat not been cutz for a while, It waz well tickley an nearly hidez me when I waz resting.
Well congratulationz to all da Tigerz fan Sprocketz for beating da wonderful Saintz last week, I waz sad but it waz a well good gamez.
Datz all for diz week, stay tick free and Sprock on Puppiez, Luvz Jake xx
Clickz on da image to see full pic
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