Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 4
A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English
Saturday 16th May 2015 - In the original Sprockish
Hello Sprockets Jake here.
OMD What a Friday I haz had.
Starts wiv da nice gentle walk wiv Hoodad, bit earliez dan normal as he needz to get to workz earliez. Get into duvet day modez, Hoomum goez to da hoomin toof vet so I not evenz disturbed by da rubbish telly she recordz and watchez.
Den in da afternoon I iz dragged to da horrid VETZ. Hoomum waz toldz I needz anuvver jabz against da rabies when we go France to see my bird Lucy. We waitz and waitz I show dem how annoyed I iz by peeing everywherez, embarrasses Hoomum no end. To cap it all dey then say I not need jabz afterz all GGGGRRRRRRRRR and I not even getz to be angry at da vet as you all know I not likez vets all dey want to do is stick fingz up my bumz, I ask you datz not right is it? Addz insultz to injury dey make me stand on da scales and tells me I is a porker at 23KG.
So back home we goes, no fried chicken yet again but did getz some toad in da hole which not too bad.
At about 10:30 pm all hell breakz loose in da garden wiv Baby letting outz da blood curdling screamz. Hoodad and I rush to da back door to save her and we stops dead in our trackz.
I knowz it not Friday da 13th but Baby da catz haz turned into Freddie Kruger!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Wiv her right pawz she iz beats up a big tabby and wiv her left she is murdering a sparrow. OOOOWWWWEEEEE she haz da mad yellow eyez and it makes me scared, she den drops da dead bird at Hoodadz feet and glarez at himz too, I fink he waz a little bit afraidz too.
I blamez da Hoominz as dey have been feedz her da last of da cheap catfood, bBaby sayz she iz da posh catz and should only have da posh food wiv da dark Jelly not da cheap light jelly rubbish. She confidez in me while I sleepz wiv one eye open dat she is not angry at me and I is safe. But I iz still a bit afraid.
I not mind da cheap cat food as she leaves more in her bowl and I ninja strike and scoff it before da hoomins can pick it up, dat cannot be why da vet sayz I iz Porky can it?
Afterz all dat excitement Hoodad and me hasz a bit of a like in and go ballfrow a bit later dan normalz. Diz waz nice as I metz new dogz I not see befores. Sadly after all da rainz da muddy puddle not muddy and I comez out cleaner dan I went in. Even when I doez a runner to da really dirty place dat waz all cleanz as well, I waz guttedz I washed off all da good stank
Whenz we get back da killer catz iz stalking da patio (see pic 1). I tellz hoodad I iz scared and he says its ok and give z me da brave pill. Pic 2 iz me hidez under towel waiting for da brave pill to kick in.
( Hello all Hoodad here, before anyone gets the wrong idea I have not drugged Jake. It was a little subterfuge and I gave him a treat he had not had before and told him it was a brave pill, in fact it was a chicken treat.)
I iz a bit worried I iz too fluffy and look like big feathery bird which might get da cat going madz again. So I askz Hoomum if I can haz haircut? She sayz yes and it will be on Monday. Funny fing is I did not see her call da groomer! Tou don’t fink da cat and her are in cahoots and de Freddie Kruger was an act to trick me into da haircutz?
Sprock on Puppies luvz Jake xx
Clickz on da image to see full pic
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